“You belong somewhere you feel free.”

The Science Of Wanting To Belong To Someone


It is natural for people to long for relationship. People want to be in a relationship because they want to feel the sense of belongingness. The need to belong is universal, similar to the feeling of starvation. Since social interactions are vital to human life, it is just logical to assume that social rejection is the major reason of depression. People need to feel connected with the people around them and experience love, care, and affection. Some people just want to feel close, but majority seek love and intimacy. But regardless of what they pursue in life, it all boils down to the desire to feel close in and connected in deep emotional level. Without the need to belong to someone, relationship wouldn’t make sense.

Wanting to belong to someone is an intrinsic motivation for a person to be united with the people around him and be accepted by the society. It could be wanting to part of a particular group in school, fit in with your colleagues, or be an active member of a dance troop. It focuses mainly on being accepted, paid attention to, and supported by the people he feels the need to get close to.

Desiring for a sense of belongingness affects human behavior in a way that a person conforms to social norms whether he agrees with them or not just to be acknowledged by the society. One classic example is behaving the way people expect you to in order to fit in. The same goes for having a relationship with someone. You need to behave in a way that you believe the person would like or love, otherwise he wouldn’t give you any time of the day. So instead of being yourself, you try to be someone you are not. Maintaining a fake attitude can be challenging because your true self will materialize on variety of situations.

The most beautiful thing you can experience in life is to love and feel loved. Some people seek relationship in order to heal from past experiences, learn new lessons in life and relationship, and share their love. When you seek for a relationship to feel a sense of belongingness, the relationship is likely to fail. When both of you are scared to be alone and need a partner in order to be happy in life expecting each other to fill the emptiness they feel inside, then this is not a good reason to be in a relationship. A relationship is composed of two people who are complete and are happy with who they are.

Wanting to belong is a way to grow and improve as mature individuals. If you don’t feel a strong sense of belongingness, you won’t go anywhere. You will only feel weary and frustrated. It is also necessary to know where you belong before you seek for belongingness. It is important to be united because at the end of the day, togetherness is all that matters.