“You can’t start the next chapter if you keep re-reading the last one.”

Should You Ditch Him When He’s Still Not Over His Ex?


We all heal in different ways after a breakup and for some of us it can take more time. You cannot expect a person to heal overnight, but attempting to date a man who is not fully over his ex can be a bridge too far for some women to cross. So how do you know whether to ditch him or to work with him? These are the questions you should be asking.

How Long Ago Did The Breakup Take Place?

This is the most crucial question you should be asking of him. If he still whining about a breakup that happened five years ago, this is a sign that you need to ditch him quick. Even if he truly loved her, a man who cannot process his emotions and move on a timely fashion is not someone that you need to be wasting your time with.

After all, where does it end? An inability to get over an ex and move on with your life is usually emblematic of other deep rooted issues, issues that he could need therapy to address. If it was a long term relationship and the breakup happened within the past year, cut him some slack. A short term that happened forever ago? Not so much.

Was She His First Love?

Our first loves are a big part of who we are as people and they shape our romantic compass, for better and for worse. There are some of us who never seem to get over our first loves, no matter how hard we may try. Eventually, the pain starts to subside as time goes on. But if she was his first love, then there is always going to be a small piece of his heart that remains with her, whether he is trying to get over it or not.

In situations where the woman in question was his first love, take a moment to talk to him about it. Does he still miss her? Was she a positive influence in his life? Did they have mutual friends? Was marriage ever discussed? Still having fond memories of a first love is one thing, but you need to make sure he is not still carrying a torch for her, which leads us directly to the big question……

Does He Still Have Feelings For Her?

This is the biggest question you need to ask and you may need to read between the lines. He may say no, but if he's constantly checking her Facebook in the middle of the night and can't seem to get through one discussion about her without bursting into tears, these are signs that you need to ditch him.

By talking to your guy about his exes, you can learn more about whether he is over them or not. In situations like these, it pays to trust your gut instincts and head for the hills if you sense that he is still harboring feelings for her and wishes they would get back together.